January is a tough time of year. It's tough emotionally for me. I get very depressed with the air quality. I know I'm way more bothered by it than the average Utah citizen but I really get down. I feel trapped. I feel suffocated. And I feel down right grumpy. January also means Seth's busiest time of year. Winter means more hospital patients. Pair that with the air quality and you get a lot of really sick people. A lot of sick people means a lot of long hours at work. A normal week during the winter for Seth is 60 hours or more. These two situations lead us down a rough road each winter. A road that I normally could cope with when we didn't have kids. With Millie though, it just leads to a crappy phase of marriage.
It's so easy to play the blame game with our spouse. We also are pros at the old "I work harder than you" argument. Truth is, we both work our asses off. We are a partnership. He works 12 hour days, and so do I. I just don't work 12 hours in the office. We make it work but sometimes this schedule really grates on us. There are weeks where I feel like we haven't had a real chance to talk, or connect. A typical day means Seth is out of the house at 7:30 (Millie wakes up between 6:30-7:00). He walks in the house at 6:30 or 7:00pm (Millie goes to bed at 7). That means no time with Millie, which makes me sad. Plus I'm exhausted after a day of work, taking care of Millie, cleaning, and cooking. Once Seth is home we usually eat dinner, watch an episode of whatever show we happen to be watching (because honestly doing anything else feels too exhausting), and then Seth has to dictate his patient notes. I go to bed, he comes up an hour or two later. Same thing, day after day after day. No real interactions. No conversations of substance. We talk about how Millie is doing, what needs to be done around the house, etc. It's rare we actually sit down and really listen to each other. As a result our marriage suffers. We are stressed, tired and start snipping at each other. It's all so damn stupid - yet we can't pull ourselves out of it.
Enter date night. First, let me just say how much I HATE the expression "date night". It feels so superficial and cheesy. It feels forced. It is forced. But it is needed. Last night we went on a real date, just the two of us. We paid nearly $50 for a babysitter and headed out the door. We enjoyed a beautiful meal at Faustina. We went to the Ririe Woodbury performance at Capitol Theatre and we even stopped and had a drink. 5 hours of just us. And you know what? It was freaking awesome.
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| Not an actual picture from last night. Portland a few months ago. |
It felt like we were when we were first together. We left our cellphones in our purse/pocket. We talked about politics, religions, food, traveling, health, our crazy families, Utah, etc. We laughed, we were engaged with each other. We spent a crap load of money and it didn't matter. What mattered is that we got out of the house. We didn't talk about our kid all night (even though she's freaking adorable). We just enjoyed each other.
Who says you need therapy? Really we just need to take the time to reconnect. To remember why we are together. To remember that we really do adore each other (quirks and all). To remember that we are a great pair. To remember that we compliment each other. To remember why we are together.
This to shall pass. The sun is shining - and green air is in the forecast for the week! Life is ok. We are going to be ok. We just need to plan the good old-fashioned "date night" to remember how good life really is.
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