Doing As We're Told

I just got out of seeing the movie "The Help". Turns out it was good. Of course not good like the book, but really quite good. I think it was the first mainstream movie I have seen where the audience just sat quietly when it ended. I have seen that reaction but more in movies you would see at one of the independent movie theaters. I'm telling you it was silent. Obviously people were moved. There were lots of tears. I didn't cry in the movie. However I did cry throughout the entire book. It was really beautiful - disturbing but beautiful.

I know I have blogged about this before but I am stunned when I read/watch/hear anything about the Civil Rights Movement. I am equally horrified and fascinated by it. What a wonderful and difficult time to live in. Sometimes I think that I was born in the wrong decade. Surely I should have lived during the depression era and learned what it really was to sacrifice and do without. Or maybe I should have lived in the 1940s and gone to work in the factories while the men were at war.

However I find myself most drawn to the Civil Rights Movement. I wonder how involved I would have been. I talk to my parents about growing up at this time. I know they were quite young for the time but they make it sound like Utah was quite insulated from the movement. Not surprising seeing that we live in such a white state. Also without the constant barrage of news from NPR, the internet and the 24-hour news would I have been as effected? I desperately hope so.

These events make me realize that you hear a lot of excuses from people about poor behavior. I suppose it is human nature. No one wants to own up to their bad actions. You hear that a lot of people treated black people differently or poorly because "that's just how I was raised" or "I didn't know any better" or "that's just what I was told."

When did we stop thinking for ourselves? How often in our lives do we use this excuse? Or how often do we do what Glenn Beck tells us? Or believe what our parents told us? Or do what the bishop tells us we should believe? I know it is scary to question but man do we need to.

I am embarrassed to admit this but I remember the night that President Bush spoke to congress a day or two after 9-11 and declared war on Bin Laden. I remember turning to my mom and saying, "It's a good thing Al Gore didn't win - because he wouldn't wouldn't be this tough!"

Huh?

I think back on that now and that makes no sense to me. Where did I hear that? Surely from a member of my ward, or perhaps on KSL.com or maybe I heard a close friend say it. That thought wasn't at all authentic. I didn't even necessarily know what I meant. I was just repeating a thought from someone else.

I also remember the first vacation I went on when I didn't wear my garments. I pointed this out to my now sister-in-law Kathryne and she asked me why I still wore them at all. I knew at that point I personally didn't believe in them anymore. She really pushed me to answer tough questions about why I was still wearing them and holding onto them. While at the time I was a bit horrified, I am glad in the long-run that she did. It's tough changing your old beliefs. It's tough to let go of your old notions and truly question things. While the Mormon church is no longer for me, I do admire deeply my dear family and friends that stay true to their beliefs. Especially those that have really taken the time to question pieces of their faith that are difficult for them. I look up to them.

Yet we all say and do things even when we necessarily think or believe what we repeat or do. We don't only do what we have been told but we do what is comfortable. I just wish we wouldn't. I think of the gay rights movement that I am living through now and I hear the same bizarre comments. "If we let gays marry it will make my marriage less special!" or "If we let gays marry it will hurt the family!"

Do people really believe that? Now I know some people do but I think if people thought carefully for themselves that most people will realize that's a bunch of bull. I believe that in 30 years (hopefully less) we will look back on this time and will be just as disgusted with our behavior now as we were during the Civil Rights Movement. So how many of us will just sit and do nothing? How many of us will repeat phrases and beliefs simply because someone they know tells them they should?

I've said this before as well: Believe what you will. But know what you believe and why. Don't blindly believe. You have to be brave to stop always doing what you are told. And start doing what you believe to be true instead.

And We're Having A Baby

Wow. So here I am. Just a mere 5 posts or something away from my "Momma Mia!" post where I lamented that I may never be ready for kids. Ready or not - here she/he comes in a mere 6 months.

The first trimester zapped me of all energy. Which is one reason why my blog was so lack-luster. I could barely make myself go to work and cook dinner, let alone blog, exercise or be productive. We found out we were pregnant on May 31st. I had gone to dinner with my beautiful friend Meili (at 9:00pm so she could put her little boys to bed first). We went to Trio and I enjoyed a lovely glass of red wine. Little did I know it would be my last drink for a long time. While at dinner I told her that yes we were trying for a baby. However, I knew I was about to start my period. Ladies, you know the feeling. I had that feeling - and it was the day I was supposed to start so I didn't worry. In fact it was the first month since we had been trying that I was sad my period was about to arrive. I even said to Meili, "Well I guess we better start being more serious about trying because I'm kind of sad." As I dropped Meili off at her house she ran inside to give me a couple unused pregnancy tests (since she had JUST had her baby). Seeing that they are expensive, I was appreciative.

I went home. Seth was over and Sean's watching a movie so I started to get ready for bed. I had never taken a pregnancy test before so I thought "What the hell?" and decided to give it a try.

So I did.

Then I kind of forgot about it.

I got ready for bed. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, got my "bed ready" which due to my OCD is a process. I even cleaned up the house a bit. I really didn't think twice about the pregnancy test until I walked in the bathroom one last time - and there it was. The double lines.

I instantly started shaking, sat down on the bathtub, and then kind of laughed.

I then promptly sent a text to Seth asking when he would be home - around 11 -

So I waited.

Around 11:30 Seth walks in and is surprised to see me still awake. I was terrified to tell him. I know we were trying but those of you who know Seth knows that he doesn't take major change well. Lord knows it took me 4&1/2 years of dating him to get him to commit to marriage and even then it was 3 days before the wedding where he was actually ready - and not scared. I had visions of this ultimate life change freaking him out. Freaking him out so much that he would be up all night.

Instead he came home, I told him I had something to tell him. I explained I took a pregnancy test just for fun.

He replied, "It was positive right? Well I'm glad I bought my bike when I did!" and starts laughing. He then promptly walked to me, gave me a big hug and a kiss and said, "That's great honey! We've been trying!"

A few minutes later we went to bed. Seth was snoring in minutes. I was the one wide-awake.

We decided to wait and tell our families until Father's Day - which was 3 weeks after we found out. Let me tell you, that was hard. I couldn't wait to tell everyone. I did tell my sister. We were set to do the Little Red 80-mile bike ride before Father's Day and I felt like she should know - just in case anything happened.

Those were some seriously long weeks. I decided to order some onesies to give each of our 3 dads on Father's Day. Look how cute they are! They were all variation of the same message.

On the morning of Father's Day we managed to convince Mom & Wally (and Grandma) to join us at brunch for the Youkstetters. I told Wally and David they each had to open their gifts at the same time. Then I got my camera ready. Mom caught on right away ....

and then everyone else caught on and started cheering - and crying

It was a lot of fun to see everyone react. And it was fun to finally be able to talk to my mom about being pregnant. She has been ready for me to have a kid for years now. I think she may be more excited than anyone. After the Youkstetters we went and told my Dad and Terrie. That was pretty funny because when Dad opened the gift he said, "What is this? Was this mine as a kid?"

Ha -

Here we are now officially in the 2nd trimester. We decided to take a picture of me today. Today was the first day where I really felt like my baby bump was taking shape. My clothes are tight - they still fit - but they are tight. I am at the phase where I just feel fat and not pregnant. The sooner the baby bump shows the better.

I'm not waving in this picture, I am showing that I am 3 months along.

Overall Seth and I are very excited. Scared to death, but excited. We saw the baby for the first time last week and it suddenly made everything very real. We are due February 1st.

Pregnancy hasn't been easy. I kind of laugh because I really felt my life turn upside down once I became pregnant. While I was happy to be pregnant it was certainly hard and certainly an adjustment. I went from being really fit and exercising 5 days a week to barely being able to keep my eyes open. I was nauseated all day, every day for weeks. Luckily that has gone away. My emotions have been in a tailspin! Oh and lets not forget all the other "lovely" symptoms: heart burn, gas, constipation, crazy dreams, crying, etc. Ladies, why didn't anyone tell me that everything would change so drastically!?!

Thank goodness for the 2nd trimester. Time to feel better and start showing. Time to take a babymoon to Paris. Woot woot!

Time for life to change in more ways than we can imagine.