Friendly or Not?

To me there are two types of people in the world:

1. People who go out of their way to be friendly to mutual friends/strangers
2. People who aren't friendly to mutual friends/strangers.

Last night I went to a party for my dear friend. I wasn't really looking forward to it because it really is a group of people that I barely know. However, because I love this friend I went. I knew it would mean a lot to her, and I know she would do the same thing for me. And truthfully I had a great time and I'm glad I went. Interestingly when I asked her to introduce me to some of the people I didn't know, I really got the cold shoulder from some. Weird that we have such a good friend, as a mutual friend and all I got from some of these people was a half smile, and a wave. Really? I've heard my friend refer to you many many times. I was actually interested in meeting you - but this cold shoulder thing? Odd. I will say that about 1/2 of the other people there were really great. I found myself wishing that I could maintain friendships with them. Realizing that our mutual friend is moving though makes me realize it really won't happen. Sure I can "friend them" on Facebook and maintain some surface conversation but the odds of a real friendship developing are slim.

I am a mixer. If I want to have a party I have no fear to mix the groups of friends up. While I am sure there are people who won't really mesh I don't care. I figure, we are all adults. You don't have to be friends with those that are like you. You can meet people who may drink if you don't, or have children if you don't, or have tattoos or wild hair. I love a good mix of people. I think it keeps things exciting.

I do have a bit of trepidation and will make sure I ask certain friends to sit next to someone who may be new. I also cringe when the new people get put next to my "not so friendly" friends. In the end though I hope it all works out. I know that at any party or gathering that I throw, some of my friends will go out of their way to befriend the people they don't know. I also know that some of my friends will only go so far as to introduce themselves to people they don't know and will leave it at that. Actually, I take that back. They will only learn the other friend's name if I introduce them. Smiling and saying hello does not make you friendly. Taking time to sit by a person and ask a little about them makes you friendly.

I never really thought much about this until I moved to Boise. I was surprised at how friendly most of the people there were. It was shocking that people seemed genuinly interested in me. I got used to being the "new girl" at events. Being new in a group is never easy. Trying to find a group of friends in a new place is hard. In Boise, I remember being invited to bunco with 15 girls I didn't know and was terrified. I had to go because I was desperate for friends but I was shaking when I rang the doorbell. Yet there were a handful of girls that made me feel totally at home. There were girls that I really wanted to be friends with. Of course there were a couple of girls who seemed annoyed that some stranger was infringing upon their night. Again, two types of people.

I haven't always been the one to reach out and get to know people but being in my new job at KUER I am forced to. It's my job to get to know our members and donors. In fact, I'm leaving in about 30 minutes to take off to an event where I won't know anyone. I'll make my way around the room, introduce myself and learn as much as I can about the 30 people there. It's awkward for sure. In fact, I am not necessarily looking forward to it. Yet I do know that after tonight, when I see these donors again, I will be excited. They'll remember me, I'll remember something interesting about them and we'll be comfortable together. Plus when I send them an email or ask them to renew their donation, I'll be fine doing it because I know them.

My grandma is amazingly good at befriending people. Actually I take that back, she is the queen conversationalist. I love that my grandma can say, "How are Britney & Sean liking their new house?" or "Is Sarah's husband still in Afghanistan?" I love that she knows them after meeting them just once or twice. She knows them because then she asks me about them and I fill her in. She is always interested in my life and friends. I want to be more like her. I have watched her and learned that to be a good conversationalist you ask a lot of questions.


You learn what you can about people. I often find myself talking ALOT about me and not asking enough questions about the people I am with. I try and stop and turn the tables when I do this. You guys know how awkward it is to go to lunch with an old friend when all they do is talk about their life, house, husband, kids and then you leave and realize "Wow, they didn't ask one thing about me or my life." It's kind of insulting.

That's my two types of people theory. I hope to continue to get better at this and to learn about new people that cross my path. I don't want to be the "cold shoulder" friend at a party. I want to be the "oh Becky was really cool. I liked her" girl.