The Waiting Game

The due date of little Millie has come and gone. I feel that Seth and I are stuck in the waiting game and it's an odd feeling. My mom and my sister both had their children early so I was convinced Millie would make her appearance before her due date. Here were are 2 days later and still no baby girl.

It's funny because you are told all along that a due date is really just an estimate and that most first time babies come late. However you never think that this will be the case with you. It's silly that a few days can make me so on-edge. In the grand scheme of things these days mean nothing. What's a week in your normal life? I have to remind myself to just relax and let it be. Nine months is a long time to surrender your body to the little baby growing inside of you. Nine months is a long time to feel completely out of control of whatever is occurring inside. Yet how beautiful that I really haven't had to do anything and yet I have a fully developed 7 pound (0r so) baby ready in my belly. It's quite miraculous. The miracle of life indeed!

Yet it's been 9 months and I'm ready to have my body back. I'm ready to be able to breathe again. I'm ready to be able to tie my shoes, roll over in bed, paint my toenails and eat what I want. I can't wait to wear more than the four same shirts that I have to rotate (not much fits me anymore). I miss sexy heels, cute jackets and cardigans. I can't wait to be able to blow dry my hair without having numb hands. I'm excited to be able to walk casually through a grocery store without stares or funny comments from people. I'm just ready to feel a bit more like Becky again.

I told my work that I would be back in time for the Spring Fund Drive - or March 19th. I figured I would have 7 weeks of work off. I had hoped that Millie would be here early or on-time so that these weeks would be full with her. However this week has come and gone and I have not always known what to do with my new found time. It's been really nice to relax. Sleeping at night is nearly impossible now and I find myself exhausted during the day. I have of course cleaned and cleaned again a few days later. I have done my "last" load of laundry about 6 times now. I've walked, I've gone to lunch with friends, I have spent time with family and still no baby. I'm not sure what else to do! Thank goodness for the discovery of "Downtown Abbey" so I at least have a fabulous TV show to watch.

The nursery is completely ready. Millie's clothes are washed and put away. We have all of the supplies we need. What gives!?

As much as I want her to come I find myself getting anxious as the sun sets. Having a baby is scary. Very scary. As much as I have tried to push fear aside and focus on how beautiful giving birth will be I still feel nervous. Every woman experiences labor differently. I'm sure if I were to ask 10 women what a contraction feels like I would get 10 different answers. Every ache and pain I feel I wonder "Is this a contraction?" There is something about going into labor in the middle of the night that scares me. You feel so out of your element in the middle of the night. I hope Millie decides to start coming in the morning or in the afternoon when my mind is clear. I don't expect this to be the case. I'm sure I will wake up at 3:00am with what will be an obvious contraction and my life will become a bit chaotic. I just feel so much better in the morning. Today I feel like a million bucks (for now) and I feel like I could tackle this natural labor if it started now. However in the evening my body is tired. I feel many aches and pains. My feet and hands are swollen and numb and I just start to feel a bit crabby. Plus with all of the lack of sleep that I have in the middle of the night wishing for the baby doesn't help. It's just exchanging one set of sleep issues for a crying baby. But hey, at least I'll be able to bend over again or sleep on my stomach/back. At least I'll have a beautiful daughter to hold.

It's funny how popular you become when you are past your due date. Inevitably I will receive my first text message (often waking me up) around 7:30am from a concerned family member. Then the calls start coming. In fact, my mom just called and asked me to put my phone on my belly so she could talk to Millie, "Millie, grandma wants to meet you and hold you! Come out!" Everyone is so excited and so concerned with how we are doing. Some family members are even getting frustrated with Millie. Ha! I know she'll come when she is ready to come. But she does have a deadline for early Tuesday morning - when I have agreed to be induced.

I hope it doesn't come to that. I hope she'll make her grand entrance today! Seth is convinced she'll arrive around kickoff on Sunday. Perhaps she will! She's already a stubborn girl and maybe she's timing it just to remind us that "I am way more important than a football game!" Either that or she will love football like her Mom and Dad and just want to get a real glimpse of Tom Brady?

Whenever she comes I know it'll be perfect. I'm trying so hard to be patient- never one of my greatest strengths. Come on Millie!