"Hey Izzie Stevens - don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out. Your character sucked the last few seasons. It's about time you go. Hey, can you take Chief Weber with you?"
"Hey Pro-life people. It's ok, I get it. I get that you don't like abortion. I am ok with that. What I am not ok with, is you making death threats to Senators who are pro-choice. Don't you see the hypocrisy in that? You don't? Hum."
"Hey Jake. Remember how you are lame? Remember how you picked Vienna? Remember how you thought being on Dancing with the Stars was a good idea? Well it wasn't. Go away."
"Hey Sarah Palin - see your face? Ya, why don't you shut it? I don't need to say anymore."
"Hey prisoners. Back off my man. He's doing everything he can to help you. Don't call him a fu*** as***** again or you will mess with me. I'll mess you up! You heard me, I'll mess you up!"
"Hey Boise Drivers - just because the speed limit is 55 does not mean that you need to go 50. It means you should go at least 65. Just thought I would fill you in on how the rest of the world drives."
"Hey Gold's Gym. I don't want to be a member anymore. I would rather go to the YMCA with Seth. Not only do I not want to pay $200 to cancel my membership, I certainly don't want to pay $50 to transfer it to Boise. Eat it!"
"Hey Boise Drivers - just because the speed limit is 55 does not mean that you need to go 50. It means you should go at least 65. Just thought I would fill you in on how the rest of the world drives."
"Hey Gold's Gym. I don't want to be a member anymore. I would rather go to the YMCA with Seth. Not only do I not want to pay $200 to cancel my membership, I certainly don't want to pay $50 to transfer it to Boise. Eat it!"
"Hey Lunatic Fringe - how dare you charge me $125 for a 21-year-old girl to spend 3&1/2 hours on my hair. Never coming to your salon again. Geesh!" 
"Hey Becky - why don't you just relax and get a better attitude?"
I'm working on it. Next post will be a happy version of this one. Now off to Costa Vida for a sure-way to cheer myself up.
Love this post. tell it how it is! Although the Boise driver thing isn't exactly accurate. On the other hand, I have nearly rear ended 3 people in the past week. The rest of the world does NOT drive like Utah drivers- and you are a Utah driver. I am scared to drive in SLC- those freaks drive way too fast!
ReplyDeleteOh, and I think we should egg Lunatic Fringe :)
ReplyDeleteWhy are the prisoner's calling Seth a f**** a******?
ReplyDeleteI must be a Utah driver too because Idaho drivers are too slow for me! :)
ReplyDeleteOkay, Jake is driving me to a new level of crazy. First, I'm ticked that he got paired with Chelsie Hightower because I LOVE her and I can't stand him. I have an internal dilemma when it comes to DWTS. Jake = go home. Chelsie = go all the way. Seriously, though, during his entire segment on Monday (well, Tuesday for me), I was cringing. Also, the thought of him with Vienna is gross. The end.
I can't decide which one of these complaints I like best! I don't even watch DWTS (or The Bachelor) and I was cracking up over that one! Oh, this is my kind of post!
ReplyDeleteWOW. I have some responses to this one. First of all - I LIKE Jake on DWTS. The best part is - on the first night they made him dance to Kiss From a Rose by Seal. LOL - can it get any better than that!? Next - that is my GRANDMA you showed a picture of driving the slow car... a little nicer on the old people next time. Finally - I paid $165 for my Lunatic Fringe do last week... so stop complaining. :) Miss you.
ReplyDeleteBecky, thank you for this. Don't change a thing. The end.
ReplyDelete