Teaching Acceptance

This weekend was gay pride weekend in Salt Lake.  I'm shamed to admit that I have never actually been to pride. I usually made excuses of why I didn't go "It's too hot" or "I don't want to deal with the crowds".  This year though I decided I needed to go.  No more excuses.  And I knew I needed to take Millie.

I realize my daughter is only 4-months-old but I want to raise her to love and accept those that are different than her. I want to raise her to not be put off or frightened by people that aren't exactly like her mom and dad.

Heather, Seth, and I packed her up and headed downtown.  She's really fussy in the car, and she can be very fussy in her stroller so I wasn't sure how she would do.  But she was a trooper!

It was really important to me to have my brother Chris attend.  He spent the last 14 years of his life living in San Francisco.  I knew Pride in Utah couldn't hold a candle to pride in San Fran but I was so glad he came.

 Gay rights is extremely important to me.  When I found out my brother was gay I was 12.  Being 12 and being an active Mormon made this news a bit difficult for me.  Funnily enough the reason my mom told me was because I asked her "Mom why do Fer and Adam fight like they are boyfriend/girlfriend?"  My mom exchanged a look with Wally and said, "I think it's time to tell her."  So they sat me down and told me.

I wasn't sure how I felt about it initially.  I mean I was told in church how wrong homosexuality was.  But I never knew my brother to be any different. I never knew him to have a girlfriend.  And he claimed he knew he was gay since he was a child.  Plus even at the age of 12 I started to understand that being gay was difficult.  So why would my brother choose to be gay?

My activism started in Junior High when boys thought it was funny to call each other "faggot".  I used to stop people and say, "Don't you dare say the f-word around me!"  I wasn't willing to really tell people I had a gay brother but I wasn't ready to tolerate this language.

I continued with this through high school.  Yet in high school I started to meet some of my dearest friends - who were openly gay (and many more of you who weren't openly gay).  I never judged.  I loved them all.

And yet I was the most faithful and active in the church during this time.  I still believed in the church. I used to say "the first thing I'll ask God about when I get to heaven is about homosexuality."  I couldn't reconcile my belief in the church with the church's stance on gays.  I swept it under the rug for the most part.

One situation that still sticks out in my mind occurred during Sunday School. I was probably 17 and one of the members of the Bishopric was substitute teaching a lesson.  Homosexuals came up in the lesson and I remember he said something like, "If they want to be perverted that's their choice."  That stung.  How could someone that I thought was so close to God say such a hurtful thing?  To this day I still can't look this guy in the eye.

For years after high school I still was a faithful member of the church.  A faithful member who just didn't agree with one thing the church taught.  But I figured I would never find a religion that I agreed with 100% right?

I won't go into the details but shortly after my divorce I started to slip away from the church.  I would still attend but it became more difficult. I started to have several things that I no longer agreed with about the church.  But I still loved a lot of things about it.  I still do.

Then Prop 8 happened.  Let me just say that I totally understand that the church would not support gay marriage.  I get that. I am ok with that.  But when the church played such an active role in Prop 8 it was the nail in the coffin for me as an active member.  I couldn't reconcile my feelings anymore.  I even went and protested the church in order to show those I love that are gay that I wasn't ok with the church's role.

I have several friends who are still active in the church - with gay relatives and friends.  I know that in many ways they don't agree with the church on gay marriage but they still attend.  I applaud them. I think that is so difficult.  For me it was too difficult.  I miss the church.  I really do.  It enriched my life in so many ways.  However being an active mormon is no longer in the cards for me.  Will I ever go back?  Who knows.  For now I don't see that happening.

It all boils down to civil rights for me.  I know that a large portion of our population believes homosexuality is wrong.  However, your moral code does not mean you get to withhold civil rights from others.  Period. Believe it is wrong if you will. But don't take away or prevent basic rights from others.  Don't be full of hate because they are different.  That isn't fair. Believe what you will but don't hate others that are different.

I want to raise my daughter to love all people.  Gay, straight, bi - black, white, hispanic - christian, muslim, atheist.  It doesn't matter.  I want her to learn to love diversity and to be able to love others based on their character and not their sexual orientation/color/religion. Why are we so afraid of those that are different from us?

That's why I took her to pride.  That's why I don't care if she sees men walking around in speedos - or drag queens performing on stage.  Although she didn't know what was going on this year - she'll learn a bit more each year I take her.  She'll grow up knowing that her uncle is gay and she'll hopefully love him just the same.  I hope she'll have gay friends. I hope she'll attend different churches and see the beauty in all of them. I hope she'll have friends of all different colors.  That's a beautiful world to me.  And I wish it for her.