Tales of a Flying Lobster

Remember how last year I wrote a blog about a large wooden beam falling on me? Well in case you missed it here's a quick summary:

Seth and I were asleep in Deer Valley. I woke up, looked at the ceiling and jumped hysterically out of my bed. I could have sworn one of the large wooden beams above my bed was falling on us. I turned on the light and woke Seth up before I realized I was dreaming.

This sort of thing happens to me a more often than it should to any normal human being. But since when have I ever been considered normal? I mean really.....

Most nights it happens to be a dream about a large spider descending upon me. These spiders are usually the size of a trash bin lid (funny - isn't this how JK Rowling describes Hagrid's hands?)

Most nights it takes about 2-3 minutes for me to wake up enough to realize that I am in fact, simply dreaming. Seth usually doesn't wake up enough to even realize what is going on.

One special night in Boise was no exception.

We were asleep one evening in the early fall. I should preface this by saying that without my contacts in I am blind as a bat. I never sleep with my contacts in so I never see well at night.

This particular night was like any other. Until I woke up in the middle of the night and saw something crawling across my ceiling. I watched for a moment as it practically flew across the ceiling from the foot of my bed up toward the top of my bed.

Like any girly girl I couldn't have something large and creepy flying above my head. I sat up and noticed that this wasn't a spider. Oh no, a spider would make perfect sense. How curious that when I looked up I saw a giant LOBSTER flying across my room.

Now I ask you dear blog readers, wouldn't you jump out of your bed if you saw the closest relative to a cockroach above your head!?

Well I did. I flew out of bed and turned on the bathroom light. Then I realized that I better notify Seth that we have a crustacean in our bedroom.

"Seth! Seth wake up!!!!" I yelled. Seth moaned and rolled over. "Seth! Look up, there is a lobster in our room!!" Seth opens his eyes and says "What?" I reply, "There is a lobster on our ceiling! I can't see with my contacts but I think it is right there - so help me look."

Let me throw in this aside - when I can't see I find that it helps to pull the corner of my eye out. My mom has always done this. It doesn't help me see perfectly but I does seem to help.

So picture me standing in my pajamas (usually nothing more than a tshirt and underwear) - lioness hair out in full force, pulling the corner of my eye and staring intently at the ceiling right above our bed.

I often find myself questioning often why Seth married me - it's true.

Seth of course didn't see anything, but rather looked at me like I was crazy before rolling over and going to sleep.

It was about this time that it dawned upon me: why would a giant lobster be flying across my ceiling - in Boise, Idaho?? I mean, Boise isn't anywhere near an ocean. And even if we did live in say, Seattle - we wouldn't have a lobster in our bedroom. Let alone a flying lobster. Last time I checked lobsters don't fly.

Or do they?

The next morning Seth was up early getting ready for work. I woke up and looked at the ceiling where last night's culprit was apparently hanging out. Turns out there was not a lobster, rather a red fire alarm. Well, quite easy to mistake for a half awake blind woman!

When Seth came to kiss me goodbye I said to him, "Hey honey I am really sorry about last night."

Seth looked at me curiously "What about last night?"

"Well you know, about the whole flying lobster thing."

"I didn't dream that!?!?!"

Oh we laughed and laughed and laughed. No Seth, sadly you didn't dream that. You just married a giant freak show. Congrats! You are stuck with me and my flying lobster. I think we should name him Leonard.

He can be friends with the Tube Bunny.