A Little Perspective

I have a lot of emotions going through my head right now. Seth and I are moving in less than two weeks. Since we are leaving in such a short amount of time I guarantee I will be blogging sufficiently less. Lets look at the bright side though - soon enough I will be living in Boise and not working so I am going to have AMPLE time to blog.

I could blog and blog and blog about my fears, excitements, apprehensions and butterflies concerning moving. Tonight I am feeling sad. I just had my last work committee meeting and had to say goodbye to some dear friends and volunteers. I am sad because I feel like a sad dog, leaving Make-A-Wish with my tail between my legs. I am sad that I will always be known as the girl that "bailed" before a big event. When truly I wish I could be known as the girl that was a lot of fun to work with - and put on great events. Leaving Make-A-Wish right now is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It really came down to me deciding what was more important: work or Seth. As much as I love my job I choose Seth. Of course. I feel like choosing my family is the right option-but it is still very hard. I have offered to stay through the gala, I have offered to work for free, to telecommute, etc...but they aren't interested. I guess I just need to let it go. It's just hard. I don't know that I will ever find a job that I love as much as Make-A-Wish. I suppose I can only hope.

Whenever I start feeling sorry for myself life smacks me upside the head. I get a major wake-up call and a certain amount of perspective.

Yesterday my cousin lost her little boy Jackson in a fire. The fire started in their apartment complex. She got out, and her 18-year-old son got out, but Jackson didn't make it. My cousin couldn't find him and tried to get back in the apartment but no luck. Jackson died of smoke inhalation.

My poor sweet cousin not only lost one of her children (which no one should ever have to go through) but she lost everything she owned in that fire. Just 6 weeks ago she was laid off, she had no insurance and was barely getting by. She also lost her mom when she was 18 years old. My aunt Julie was killed in a motorcycle accident years and years ago. She has already had so much grief and so much heartache in her life.

And now this...

My heart breaks for her. I didn't know Jackson well, and my cousin has been rather estranged from our family for several years now. Its been a long time since I have even seen her. But my heart breaks. I can't imagine ever picking myself up off the ground again after something like that. I know people will rally around her - will help buy her possessions, will offer love, etc. Sadly though, nothing we say or do will take away the fact that she lost her little boy.

It's terrible. And here I am feeling bad about leaving a job to go on a new adventure with my husband - that loves me? Come on Becky - a little perspective.

Another sad story I heard this week. One of our little wish kids just lost his Mom. This little 6-year-old boy had cancer. I met him a few times when he helped record some PSAs for me. Such a cute boy and such a sweet and caring mother. Another single mom struggling to get by - with a kid with cancer.

I found out today that mom just passed away this weekend - of cancer.

How is this fair? Hasn't this family suffered enough? I am so sad for this little boy. I know he'll be loved and cared for, but he at 6-years-old has already suffered more than any of us should suffer in a lifetime.

And then there is Haiti. Again, a country that is in poverty, a country that is instable, and now this...

Why do such terrible natural disasters tend to happen to the poor, and to those who can't help themselve? Really think about it. Think about the Tsunami...think about Katrina...think about Myanmar. It's always to the poor. It hurts. I don't understand it.

Why is it that so many people get more than their fair share of sorrow? Why is it some people tend to go through life without so much as a hiccup here and there?

Don't give me that "God only gives you what you can handle" crap - because I don't want to hear it. Life isn't fair. Children die, people get cancer, single mom's die, people lose all that they own (no matter how modest) in moments...

I am not looking for answers I am just looking for a place to put my emotions down. To be angry and sad for the hurt so many in this world are facing.

I don't know about you but it makes my life and my problems seem miniscule. I am lucky. Very lucky.

I know tonight I will be praying for strength. Not for me but for the many many people in this world that are hurting.