Yes, We Are Boring Parents

Before I became a parent I had a really good idea of what kind of parent I would be.  I expected Seth and I to just incorporate our children into our lives as easily as possible.  We would be the cool parents that did everything with their kids.  Our lives didn't need to change completely just because we were having kids!  Sure I expected routine to be an important part of their lives, but if we wanted to hang out at a friend's late - the kids could just stay up longer than usual!  I envisioned us going to dinner with our gorgeous and well-behaved children in tow.  We would frequent festivals, and cultural events. Anything was possible (except movies - I knew I would never drag my baby to a movie).  We would have friends over to our house and stay awake late.  We could do that still!  Our lives didn't need to change completely. We were going to be cool.  We were going to be the parents that people looked up to.  We were going to be rad parents.

And then reality hit...

Suddenly we had this little tiny human that required every ounce of energy we had.  We stayed awake for hours on end those first months.  We daydreamed of a night where we could sleep for 5 hours without being interrupted.  Our whole world began to revolve around keeping little Millie happy.  We spent evenings bouncing and pacing with her.  We ate with one hand, standing up,  because anytime we put her down she would cry.  We would reluctantly put her to bed for the night and JUST start to get comfy on the couch when the inevitable scream could be heard over the baby monitor.  Nothing can prepare you for that first baby and those first ridiculously hard months with the baby.  But yet, as time went on, things got easier. She was still up at night but if we were lucky it was just 1-2 times.  She would go to sleep at 7pm and usually wouldn't wake up until 1am or so.  Our evenings were once again our own.  And we settled into our boring "we have kids" routine.  We watched TV and we went to bed early.  That was our only option.  Because we were 100% exhausted.  Seth and I were both working full-time and trying to juggle this new responsibility.  A responsibility that we were completely smitten with but still a new responsibility.  I know we had friends over those early months.  We could barely carry on a conversation.  We were always distracted.  And if we watched a movie - I guarantee we were both asleep within minutes.  You are really on survival mode those early months.

Then things got even easier.  Millie started sleeping through the night.  But then she started waking up every. single. morning. at 6am.  I have never been someone that "sleeps in" much.  To me, sleeping in late was 10am.  Sleeping in was usually 8 or 9. I've never understood how people can stay in bed until noon or later.  Yet, six in the morning was early.  And it still is early although it is getting easier to wake up in those early hours before the sun comes out.  Thus began our second round of adjustments - you can stay up as late as you want now - but you will wake up every day of your life at 6am now.  Sadly, if we stay up until midnight it's not like you can catch up on sleep later.  If we are lucky we can nap when the baby does.  But that's when you shower, eat, clean, read, etc.  Those hours of sleep are also lost.  You never get them back.  Sure we can stay up late, but is it worth being tired and cranky the entire next day?  It rarely is.

Millie has never been a girl that will sleep wherever we put her.  She sleeps best in her crib.  We have tried putting her down other places and it just doesn't work.  She's screaming, we are stressed, and hell, it just isn't worth it.  So 99% of the time we are home by 7:30 or so to maintain bedtime. And I am fully aware how annoying this is to people (especially our friends that don't have kids).  Honestly, I wouldn't trade those precious 2-3 hours of time without Millie for anything.  I relish those hours at night when after working for 13-14 hours straight, I can sit down, eat my dinner, watch a show and go to bed by 10:00pm.  It's 2-3 hours a day that I am lucky to have to myself.  Sure I spend some of those nights cleaning, doing laundry, dishes, etc, but at least I am doing them without another distraction.

Yes, Seth and I are boring parents.  We are.  It's the only way we are surviving working, keeping up a house, maintaining what we can of our friendships, and raising a kid.  Not to mention being pregnant and even more exhausted than normal.  I never understood how completely exhausting (and wonderful) it would be to be a parent. It's all-consuming.  It's like working an 80+ hour work week every single week of your life.  And sure we get a break.  Maybe we get a night out for 3-4 hours a couple times a month.  Maybe we go on a vacation without our kid once a year for 2 nights (because anything more than 2 nights really puts other people out).  But for now, that's about it.

I've noticed that it is getting harder and harder to relate to our friends that don't have kids.  Trust me, I hate this. I really really hate this.  I remember judging my friends with kids, before I had kids of my own.  Sorry Sally and Blake but I never understood why you didn't hang out more. I didn't understand how you could possibly have NOT SEEN the newest Harry Potter!  I didn't understand why we couldn't just come hang out at your house more often when the kids were in bed.  I'm sorry.  I didn't get it.  Now I totally get it.  People don't really understand that starting a 2+hour movie after 8:30pm is too late.  Because that sounds absurd! Especially on a weekend!  But we do it because we will fall asleep. But we can't help it. We want to stay awake. We try. We really try. We fall asleep most nights on the couch at 9pm. We are boring parents.

Babysitters are expensive.  I also have a job that requires a lot of after-hour events.  So when it comes to looking at how often I can afford/find a babysitter in a month - sometimes movies or going out to dinner are the last items on the agenda.  It's hard finding someone to watch your kid. It's hard spending $40 on a baby sitter on top of everything else you will spend money on in an evening.  Trust me, I would have a sitter every single weekend if I could.  I love/cherish/relish in our "date nights".  It just isn't always something that works out.

I also don't like bringing my kid to a restaurant.  MOST of the time it isn't worth it.  It's just not.  It's wrestling/entertaining/diverting during a meal.  We don't enjoy the meal, we know our friends don't enjoy the meal, and the people in surrounding tables don't enjoy it either.  So nope, most nights we just choose to not go to dinner. Maybe in a couple of years we will. Maybe our next kid will be a complete angel at restaurants. But dinner with a toddler is not fun.  That's why we tend to stick to take-out at our place. Again, another total expectation of myself that I have failed at.

Even doing things that I know Millie will enjoy such as festivals, aren't that great at this point. I took Millie to Craft Lake City and spent most of my time just following her in a 30-yard-radius of the festival.  Because she didn't want to go see the booths.  She just wanted to play by the water.  Again, I could bring her to those things, but I am mostly going to want to leave her with someone else.  Not to mention the amount of time and energy it takes to prep for such an outing.  I had no idea.  Pre-kid me thought I was going to be a total pro at this.  Turns out, I'm just not.  For now our outings are all children based.  We can do Red Butte Garden, the Zoo, the Park and a children's museum like pros. We are really good at those outings.

There are parents out there that kick ass at this stuff.  They bring and do everything they want with their kids. They camp/backpack/travel with them.  I just am not that parent.  When I do try those things (such as camping) it is so much work and usually not that fun.  I am surviving this phase of my life in the way I know how.  By being home.  We don't go out, we don't do much , we go to bed early. We watch a lot of TV shows.  And that is our life right now.  It's just a phase.  I know time goes quickly and before we know it our kids will be older than 5 and we will be those parents that go and do whatever they want with their kids.  I know someday I'll look back on this time and wish I had one night at home to watch TV.  :)

Friends without kids - please be patient with us.  This is just the reality we are in now. It's survival mode. This is how we cope.  We won't always be this lame.  Our old selves are still here, somewhere. They will reemerge someday.

Now go, do all those things you get to do.  Travel, go out every night, see every movie in the theater that you want, stay out all night and sleep all day.  Do it because you can.  And we envy you for it.