Mio Nonno - Beetle

Mio Nonno - my grandfather.

On Friday my sweet Italian grandpa would have turned 81 years old. We lost him in August of 2008 and while I always miss him, I miss him most during the holidays. I feel an actual pain inside my chest because I miss him so much. It's interesting how "empty" the pain feels, as if my body knows how much it hurts to have such a void in my life.

I love my grandpa and have found that in the time since he has been gone, I talk to him a lot. When I pray I often talk to Grandpa. I find a bit of peace knowing that he is always near by. I feel that he has been around to watch over me. My cousin dreamed about him shortly after he passed away. In the dream he said to her (sorry Jenna if this isn't totally accurate) "Death is just like being in the next room. I am all around you." I believe this - and feel this often.

Last Thanksgiving we honored Grandpa as a family. We went to his grave and released balloons in his honor. We also went to a driving range and hit a few balls for him. No one loved golf quite like my Nonno.
This year we aren't doing anything as a family to honor grandpa. I know we will all recognize him in our own ways though. We are all going our seperate ways this Thanksgiving. However, I wanted to do something to remember my Beetle. Shortly after he died I spent a lot of time writing in my journal about him. I am going to share part of what I wrote today. To help all of us who knew and loved him remember him, and be grateful for the time we had with him on this Thanksgiving holiday.

September 14, 2008

I still can't believe he is gone. My heart aches for him, my grandma, Keri, Lori and mom. It hurts knowing that my children will never meet him. I'll miss his constant presence. I'll miss his cooking, and yelling "Get out of my kitchen!" I'll miss hearing him say "Come over here and get a little pasta Beck." Christmas Eve, my favorite day of the year, will never be the same without him and his cooking. I'll miss his wheezy laugh, naughty jokes, and his "now that's a fine beverage" comments. I'll miss him on election night and know how excited he would have been if Obama wins (and how furious he would be if McCain wins). I'll think of him during my golf tournaments. I'll miss seeting tears in his eyes and his big red nose at all of the important events in my life. I am so grateful he saw my graduation and my wedding. I'll think of him when I see Budweiser commercials and at the U of U football games. I'll think of him while eating pasta and visiting Italy.

I'll never forget the lessons he taught me. To be compassionate to those less fortunate and to be tolerant of those that are different. I'll remember to respect other's opinions and believes but will always offer mine. Grandpa taught me that being a good person doesn't mean that you have to be a "religious" person. He was loved and respected by all that he knew. He lived life to the fullest. He worked hard, he played hard and above all, he loved his family. Oh how lucky I am to have had 27 years with him. I love you Beetle.