That doesn't mean I am not scared. I am. I'm terrified.
I've blogged before about what public radio means to me and why I feel it is so important. I grew up in a family that didn't listen to NPR. Hell, I didn't even know what NPR was until I was dating Seth. We were on our way to the farmer's market in August of 2005 and we were talking about the devastation of Hurricane Katrina. He just kept telling me all of these facts and stories that he knew and had heard. Now, I had paid attention to the news but I had not a heard anything like he was telling me. I remember exasperatedly saying to him, "Where are you hearing these stories!?" He calmly responded, "I listen to KUER." I questioned him, "What is KUER?"
I started listening that day and from that day on I felt my entire understanding of the world begin to shift. It didn't have to do with so-called "liberal propaganda." It had everything to do the human voice. It wasn't some reporter standing on the banks of the flood waters in New Orleans telling me what was happening. It was a reporter handing the microphone to a person, and rather than me having any visual and pre-conceived judgment of a person, I simply heard a voice. A voice that was in complete distress. I heard a human hurting and I hurt for them. From that moment on I was hooked. I started listening every day and haven't stopped since. It became a bit of an obsession. There was so much about politics and the world that I never understood. But NPR had a way of slowing the news down and explaining things. Not telling me what I should believe, not screaming at me, not throwing talking heads on to spew their opinions....they just reported the news...with real voices. It was like the world had cracked open and I couldn't absorb all of the new ideas and knowledge fast enough. It changed me. It still changes me and challenges me every day. That's why I still listen. That's why I will always listen. And that's why I will continue to tell people about public radio and share with them why it is so important to listen. Because truthfully it has made me who I am today. A more empathetic person, a more informed citizen and a more involved member of our community.
Needless to say, when I saw a job opening at KUER I knew I had to jump on it. I remember getting a call from Susan Kropf the day after I submitted my application and almost screamed. I was SO excited ... it was THE Susan that I heard talk on the radio. We scheduled an interview and I drove down to Salt Lake (I was living in Boise at the time) to meet the staff. I remember leaving the interview, excitedly calling Seth and saying, "Those are MY PEOPLE!" I was offered the job and I was elated.
As I've looked back on my time at KUER I think of how much I have personally changed. When I started I wasn't even 30 yet. I had no kids yet and was able to just dive-into the job. I remember being so excited to meet Doug Fabrizio, and still after a couple years of working there would get tongue-tied around him. I remember Spring of 2011 was my very first fund drive. I arrive at 5:30am and clapped in complete astonishment and excitement when the first call came into the phone room. The first time they asked me to talk on the radio I was sweating I was so nervous. I called and told everyone and made sure to tell them to tune-in. I couldn't believe I was so lucky. On my last fund drive, I asked someone to cover my shift during All Things Considered, I was just too burned out to talk more. 29-year-old me would never have believed it.
Here I am, firmly headed toward middle-age, a good twenty pounds heavier, a mom of two, certainly more jaded, but I think much more wise. I have changed a lot since I started but I couldn't have asked for a better place to take me through these years. KUER was incredibly nurturing to me as a pregnant woman.
I was so lucky. I was encouraged to nap at work, my boss even brought me a mat to sleep on. They brought me a zero-gravity chair and snacks. I was spoiled and taken care of through the entire process, but never more-so than after.
The men and women of KUER were great but there was a special sisterhood among the development women. I remember one evening, I was still on maternity leave with Matilda and my former boss Susan was hosting a girl's night at her house. I was deep in postpartum depression but knew getting out would be helpful. I arrived at Susan's and was immediately swarmed with friendly smiles and faces. I remember my coworker Ja'Naye asking me how I was and I just burst immediately into tears. She said, "It's ok. We have you. You're here now. We've got Matilda. You are good." I was completely enveloped into their care and I'll never forget that night. I never held the baby. I got a moment to breathe. THAT was what made KUER special. The friendships. They were there for me through two babies, marriage rough spots, the loss of my father-in-law, and lots of family heart-ache If I needed to go home early, it wasn't ever an issue. If I needed to come to work...and just sit in my office to get AWAY from the drama at home, that was ok too. That support system was vital and really helped me survive those rough years. I'm so grateful to each of them. I can't imagine I'll ever find that kind of support again.
Working for KUER was also just mentally stimulating. Do you know how great it is to walk into your office and say, "Can you believe what the president tweeted about today!?" and everyone knows exactly what you are talking about? Or ... after a particularly heated RadioWest to stand around and talk about the topic further. I loved diving into discussions about politics, films, TV shows, art, etc. Everyone there was so interesting. People who were as ticked off about air pollution as I am. I remember the day after the 2016 election, it was like a funeral in the office. Everyone was upset. But everyone was there because we all had jobs to do.
And then there were my donors. They weren't "my donors" but I began to refer to them that way because they started to feel like "my people". What I learned from my donors was something that I'll never forget. First, live an active and full life. I love being home but I never want to be a homebody. I love that my donors loved to come to any and everything that I offered them. Wine tastings, discussions about gun-control, live lectures, concerts and operas, cooking classes, etc. They came to everything. They got out of the house and they got involved in their community and I absolutely admire them for that. I remember many times people emailing me and saying, "Now what do we have tickets to tonight? Who is the band? I haven't even heard of them but apparently they are good so we didn't want to miss out!" Yes! That is absolutely how I want to live my life. I want to live it to the fullest. I want to meet people, stay busy and expose myself to all kinds of entertainment, discussions and ideas as I possibly can. I want to walk into a room of people, not caring if I don't know another soul, and know that I could potentially meet a new friend that night. I want to travel the world and see different cultures and countries. I want to step out of my comfort zone. Because that is how you live. So thank you. Thank you for being such amazing examples of living a full life. I hope to emulate that.
It's time to move on. It's time to try my hand at another organization. It's time to get uncomfortable again. To meet new coworkers and donors. It's time to learn a new system. To show-up on-time and be on my A-game again. Because KUER and "my people" will never be far. All I have to do is turn on my radio. Or walk around Red Butte, or show up at a rally or a community event. You are everywhere that is anywhere. You always will be. I'll never forget these remarkable 8 years. They very well may be some of the best of my life.
Keep listening. I know I will.
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